Ladies, are you tired of men playing games? Tire of being the other woman? It is time to let your voice be heard. Check out this AMAZING spoken word Poem entitled “The One” by Brittany Marshall McKinnon. Girl has major skills!

Imagine going throughout your day running some errands, shopping, or even preparing to meet friends later for dinner. All of a sudden while browsing around you notice a guy staring at you. He approaches you and pays you a compliment. You smile and return a kind greeting and carry on with your looking around. As you prepare to go to the checkout line, you notice that he seems to be watching you. Wanting not to make a complete fool of yourself, you take a quick look in your purse and pull out your little mirror that you keep for such an emergency. Everything looks good. He approaches you, and gives you his name. He asks if you have plans as he would like to meet for drinks or something later in the week. You exchange numbers and go on throughout your day wondering if he will call. Instead of calling, he sends you a text…”what are you up to?” he asks. “Care to take me up on that offer?” With excitement running throughout your body, you agree.

As with all the blogs I write, the purpose of this blog is to bring about awareness. Not all men, have bad or cruel intentions but again there are some who are purposely using tactics to seduce women. Here is an excerpt from one so called “Pick Up Artist” who teaches men to prey on unexpected women.

“I’m Paul Janka, and for the last 5 years, I’ve been teaching men how to generate sexual attraction in females. I’m a professional dating coach and international speaker, and the talent I was given (and have developed over the years) is how to turn a woman on, before she even knows it’s happening. It turns out that this is the foundation of successful dating, and I have spent the last few years teaching thousands of men from all over the world the few simple techniques that will get a girl sexually excited by you, almost every time.”

Check out this video clip from Dr. Phil regarding this so called “Casanova”

Unfortunately, both men and women play these little games with each other and it only leads to more games being played. More hearts being broken, tears being shed, depression and even suicide. The only way to STOP this madness is to get educated and purpose NOT to:

1. Fall victim to THE GAME
2. Play THE GAME yourself
3. Associate with those you KNOW who use these tactics

Why continue to search these methods and find information on these predators? My thought process is pretty simple. Being a father, brother, son, and friend of beautiful and broken women my desire is to provide some education so that you can learn to identify when these tactics are being used on you or your loved ones. One of two things will happen: 1. These types of men won’t be able to continue to use and abuse you because you will be able to EXPOSE them or 2. You will become WHOLE (spiritually, emotionally and physically) that you will demand the respect and love you deserve and men will have to raise their standard when dealing with you. Until next time…Be Real, Be Beautiful, and Be Made Whole!

Last time I discussed how some men have taken principles outlined in books like Art of War, 48 Laws of Power and Art of Seduction to manipulate and control women. As I stated before not all men are out to use these principles to hurt women but there are many who do. Today I will be dealing with yet another principle from the 48 Laws of Power that is used to hurt women. The principle outlined in Law 4 of the 48 Laws of Power focus on communication or the lack there of.

Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary

“When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.”

Lack of communication in relationships result in frustrations, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, guilt and can create personal differences. Communication in relationships is all about finding that mutual understanding with you and your partner. If one party is purposely “saying less than necessary” then it leads to confusion. Along with creating confusion it makes one appear dishonest.

Nonverbal communication in relationships is often overlooked as well.  What your body is saying is many times stronger than the words that are actually coming out of your mouth.  To improve communication in relationships, both parties involved need to be honest about how they feel and about their expectations which is nearly impossible if someone has purposely withdrawn.

To appear in control and competent these men say less which leaves one to gather their own meaning at times. This mysteriousness that the man portrays or as the 4^th Law states “vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike” gives the illusion that he is a take charge person who has it all together. This falls right into what many women have claimed to desire a confident and secure man with a sense of adventure. She thinks she may have found it in him, but all the while he has been preparing to ultimately control her.

It is only a matter of time before that which is concealed will manifest itself.

Have you ever asked yourself the question why men will not tell you the way they feel concerning you? For several women, this can be an all too common problem. You meet a beautiful man who seems unimaginable in every means. You have an amazing time together, always laughing and having fun. You feel in your heart that you like this guy, but he never appears to tell you ways he feels about you. It leaves you confused and annoyed.

Many ladies face situations of being with a man who will not open up to them emotionally. He’s wonderful in every way and you love him immensely, however you just cannot seem to penetrate his heart and mind. Why is that? Why won’t men tell ladies how they feel? What if the men you have encountered have been taught to believe that it was in their best interest NOT to tell you how they feel? What if this information has been passed down from generation to generation without your knowledge and given to keep you in bondage?

The truths I am about to share in the upcoming blogs are going to expose “The Game”. I am sure you have heard the saying, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game” haven’t you? I often question why we as adults even playing games, especially with other people’s emotions. I will expose principle but will not use any person’s names in these blogs as I pray for the ones spreading this propaganda will change and realize the damage they are causing by their selfishness. The purpose is not to make women angry and bitter towards men, but so that women can be educated and armed in a manner in which to NOT fall victim to their tactics.

One of the principles that have been passed down is found in the book 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. These principles are really given for war strategies much like the Art of War, but many men have learned to use these principles to control women. The 3^rd Law of Power states:

Conceal Your Intentions

“Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.”

Notice that the purpose of this law is to keep a person off balance and not reveal their motives. I have seen many men use this very tactic to control and cause confusion in a woman’s life. Often times the actions are so subtle that they don’t even know what is going on. Sometimes I have heard friends and family members that they can see something is not right, but because of great deception they realize what it is that their loved ones were trying to tell them but by then it is too late.

Open and honest communication is the key to healthy relationships. Without healthy communication many of our relationships will fail. It is imperative that we discuss how and what we feel in our relationships at all times. If a person doesn’t open up and express how they feel there could very well be something wrong. I am not saying to jump to conclusions at the first sign of someone not wanting to talk or reveal what is going on in their life at the time. However, if you notice a pattern it may be time to address the situation.

Here are some tips you can use to try to get a man to open up:

1. Remove all distractions. Turn off the television, computer, radio etc and ensure there is nothing around to read. Men are visually stimulated and easily distracted.
2. Sit next to him not in front of him. Most men don’t like to be talked at and can feel threatened when you sit and try to talk to them face to face.
3. Ask open ended non threatening questions. An open ended question is a question that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no or even one word. This will in a sense ensure he has to talk about things. Non threatening questions are questions that are not going to make him feel like you are accusing him of something. Make sure not to make him feel as if you are attacking him or he may shut down completely.
4. Don’t try to go too fast or too long. Most men are not comfortable with deep communication for extended periods of time perhaps try 10-15 minutes and build from there.

In the event that trying to be open and honest about your feelings doesn’t seem to work after some time, perhaps you may want to take a careful look at your relationship and seek counseling by a neutral party. Whatever you do, Don’t Play The Game!

Over the next few weeks I am going to continue to expose many of these principles that contribute to brokenness in relationships. Until then Be Real, Be Beautiful, Be Made Whole!

We have all probably heard the saying “What you don’t know won’t hurt you”. Well, I have a different opinion on that subject and as you will discover that saying can only be half-truth at best. I surmise that: What you don’t know, can not only hurt you, but cause you to continue to get hurt over and over again!

What if I told you there was a secret group of individuals who prey on women, to take advantage of them sexually, emotionally, and financially? What if I told you that they are paying thousands of dollars to learn to manipulate you and gain control over you and telling others how to do it too?

I know this may seem hard to imagine and could quite possibly just CREEP YOU OUT! I must say…NOT ALL MEN desire this, but there are many who do. So why am I bringing this information out for you in my blog? Simple, I am a concerned father with two beautiful daughters, a son of a mother who was married to unfaithful men, a brother to four sisters who have been heartbroken, I have many friends who seek healthy relationships and continue to get used and abused by others and yes I was married to a beautiful but broken woman. This foolishness needs to stop! Will it? Probably not; but if you can educate yourself as to what is going on it better prepares you and my hope is that you would share this information and help others.

I must warn you now, the video below will shock you and probably disgust you. Keep in mind again, not all men play these games but many do.

As I stated before, this must STOP! Over the next couple of weeks I am going to be exposing more and more of these “secret” tactics. Come back often and share this information freely with others.

Learning to love yourself is the key to loving others.

Without question, a relationship crisis is an incredibly painful, hurtful and devastating experience that leaves most people feeling victimized. But, you can’t increase your self-worth or learn to embrace self-love if you believe you’re a victim.

The only thing a victim stands for is condemnation to a life of mistreatment, misery and self-pity. It is impossible to be a victim and a victor at the same time. You have to release one mindset and cleave to the other. You can choose to remain wounded and devoid of love or you can pick yourself up by the bootstraps, look into the mirror of life and say I am worthy of love and I will start by loving and embracing myself!

What Self-Love Isn’t

Let us first dispel some myths about what it means to love yourself. Self love is not about being arrogant, selfish, self-centered or egotistical. It is not about comparing yourself to others to determine if you are good enough. It is not about always putting yourself first. It is not about always getting your way. It is not about always winning. It is not about “only looking after number one”.

What is Self-Love?

It is to accept yourself as you are – the light parts and the dark – and to love them both equally. It is to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give and do both equally. It is about knowing your values and your boundaries and honoring them. It is about teaching others how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself. It is about being kind to yourself. It is about looking after your mind, your body and your spirit – all three. It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you look like or what others think of you, but because love is your birthright no matter what.

It is an obvious statement that you cannot give something that you do not possess, yet so many people try desperately to love others without having or giving love to themselves. It is little wonder that in time there reservoir of love are exhausted and their relationships falter. To give love you must first have love. In order to have love you have to receive it. In order to receive love you have to be whole and open to receiving love. This all starts with God! God is love. He created you for a love relationship. He loved you so much that He gave His only Son to die for you. Once you have experienced His unconditional love, you can then love yourself. Only then will you be able to truly love others for the pure joy of loving them. Give the love you wish to experience to yourself and you will find all your relationships transform in miraculous ways.

Self love is a win-win for all. It provides you with an inner happiness, confidence and peace of mind that is not easily swayed by outside events and opinions. It enables you to make healthier choices and the best decisions across all areas of your life from your intimate relationships to your finances. It allows you to truly rejoice in other people’s good fortune rather than wondering “why, not me” or even resenting it. It enables you to be more genuinely loving towards others and to be of greater service to the world at large. Ultimately, the more you love yourself, the more everything and everyone you encounter benefits

Bottom line, you must be true to yourself in order to love yourself! So, don’t let what others have done, or what you have failed to do, cause you to live in fear of the future. The past is the past, it is over, and living in it does not serve anyone well. Live in the present moment, be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself.

Fathers are the first men a woman will seek to please

The father-daughter relationship is key in raising girls who grow into independent young women, capable of making good decisions and creating a happy life.  There are few relationships more precious in a healthy family than the bond between a father and a daughter. Many women grow up and experience brokenness because they are still seeking the approval, love and support from their fathers.

A father’s relationship with his daughter provides the framework for how she deals with male figures in general.  Furthermore, fathers are the first men to hold them close. The first man to tell them they are beautiful, to say I love you, to hold their hand, to comfort them when they are down, the first man to protect them and more importantly a father is the first man she will attempt to please and gain acceptance from.

Girls today are crying out for daddies who will protect them, cherish them and teach them that they are valuable.  Girls have a need to feel loved and cherished. They need to feel attractive in a whole-person kind of way, but to feel physically attractive is also important.  Many times girls learn self-worth from Dad. They observe and learn how men and women interact in relationships by the way they see their dad’s interact with their mother, his mother and even his sisters.

Dad from the moment your little darling walks into your heart she will need you to nurture, protect and guide her.  Dads need to give their babies and their little girls their time, and their attention.  Sit down together and talk with dad about his ideas regarding such things as gentle discipline, the role of outside time, what kind of toys does he think a girl should have, television and other media, family health, family holidays and how you will celebrate them, how dad envisions the rhythm of the family, family chores, and the big issues of things such as spirituality and how spirituality and religion play into your lives every day.

The key to the success of this father-daughter time is that they alone are sharing this experience.  Fathers and daughters, like mothers and daughters, need to be able to talk comfortably about personal or meaningful things.  There’s no reason that fathers and daughters shouldn’t be able to trust and confide in each other, feel as relaxed together, and get to know one another as well as mothers and daughters. A daughter will learn communicating with other men by how she allowed interacting with her father. If the father encourages and fosters healthy communication she will likely feel more open about her feelings. Conversely if she is not allowed to express herself in healthy dialog she may learn to suppress her feelings. Either way she will get her understanding of male communication through her experience with her father.

When you show her she is loved, she will KNOW she is!

Girls, I know it’s not always easy to be friends with your dad, and maybe you don’t have a dad that would ever think to spend time with you, but your dad needs your affirmation as much as you need his. Being a single father raising two daughters, I can attest to the fact that I have learned many things from my girls. I have learned to be more supportive, a better listener and communicator, I have learned to show love and affection to them even when they fail, most important I have learned that they have a desire to express themselves as my daughters and girls in general.

Problems between fathers and daughters can damage a young girl’s identity, convince her she’s unlovable or without worth, and send her into unhealthy adult relationships. This can leave her feeling vulnerable and expose her to things that she is not prepared for. When healthy relationships with their fathers are established, girls will be better equipped to deal with other men who come into their lives seeking a relationship. If fathers won’t stand up and invest time in their daughters, other men will and they may not have pure intentions. Until next time Be Real, Be Beautiful, Be Made Whole!

Abuse comes in many forms. Many are not visible to the eye but seen through actions.

Toxic relationships are defined by a pattern of destructive criticism, manipulating, bitterness, negative attitudes and a history of verbal or physical abuse.  Maybe your partner puts you down in front of other people, you’re thoughts and opinions are discredited, you’re made to constantly feel stupid and like a child.  The wild turbulence and all the energy that often goes into these relationships can exhaust you physically, emotionally and mentally.

In these abusive relationships all-too-often one or both participants are not skilled when it comes to limits, boundaries, or letting go.  In toxic relationships, when one person tries to come closer, the other person tries to pull hand away.  Most toxic relationships, if not all, have at least some controlling aspects.

Another point to understand here is that toxic relationships never improve by themselves.  You could try and understand what their feelings are about you and why they treat you the way that they do, but you could end up just spinning your wheels in frustration. Toxic relationships inhibit peace, destroy self-confidence, and hinder your ability to make wise choices.  Toxic relationships, even if they involved only one toxic person to begin with, end up being toxic to the victim of abuse as well.

Many people in toxic relationships have seen it all before as they have grown up in toxic homes. They naturally copy how their memories from childhood unintentionally as they likely know nothing better.    Some people find themselves having to care for others and there are others who just seem to enjoy being miserable.

Sometimes others can become critical of people who are involved in toxic relationships and wonder how a person stays in these abusive relationships.  The truth is toxic relationships can happen to the smartest of us.  We can think we have it all together with our career, family values, and even our religious upbringing and still be involved in a relationship that is not healthy for us.

Letting go of toxic relationships can be one of the most challenging things we can do, and it takes time to achieve full liberation. However, healing from toxic relationships is necessary so you can be ready for a healthy, loving partner.